On Motherhood
Motherhood is complicated. The same thing that feels lovely and easy one day can feel heavy, burdensome and hard the next. Mothers are only human. But we feel like if things are good and happy then they can't be also hard and sad and lonely. But the truth is God created the world with more complexity than that. He made a world with a deeper capacity for feeling than what fits in a box or on the face of an emoji. And the world He made to be perfect is broken, it is dark and filled with suffering and motherhood is not exempt from that suffering.
The dark world swirls all around us pounding down on our sanctuaries. Making the lightness feel heavy and tarnishing the beauty. And the lie we tell ourselves is a mix of half truths. That only we can do this job (we are chosen for this but not called to do it alone). That we are good moms (but we forget we are only good with Jesus). That life is suppose to be beautiful and that means easy (but true beauty comes out of pain). That we have to do it alone (even if you have no support no family there is always Jesus- for his suffering truly was alone).
I texted a friend the other day to tell her motherhood felt heavy. And she said "it is heavy." You see we talk about the hard, the struggle, the thanklessness. But we forget that motherhood is truly heavy. And until you are a mother it is nearly impossible to understand that statement. But Jesus reminds is his burden is light.
She also said she was glad I said something, she had no idea things felt heavy for me. Because of social media we have this view that it is so easy. But I think that is ok. I am not sure Instagram or a Facebook is always the place to put a voice to the heaviness. I see those platforms as a way to document the joy. But then what happens is the heavy slips through the cracks if you don't seek real connection beyond social media. I think that happens through real contact. Through sending the text message and hoping they respond to your vulnerability.
This is why if you ask "how are you" i might answer with honesty saying Good! I love it here. The kids are at a fun stage. The baby is so happy and generally easy. And I mean it. But I also at the same time might be not fine. I might be lonely,exhausted or feeling ungrounded or just not sure my purpose beyond motherhood.
Because maybe the heaviness isn't something hard all by itself. But it is a combination of small hard things. Like sweeping the floor for the 8th time one day. Or the Lego you keep stepping on, but don't seem to have the energy to pick up. Or the toddler who won't eat what you serve and the other one who won't keep her food on her plate. Maybe it is the pile of laundry and the fact you can't finish that podcast you really want to listen to. And maybe your kids do tell you they love you 1000 times a day but you still feel like you are in a hamster wheel and never getting off. Because motherhood is about lying yourself down for your kids. It is about doing the same tasks over and over and over. It is about reminding them and disciplining over the same things day in and day out and it can often feel like it is an endless cycle.
The dark world swirls all around us pounding down on our sanctuaries. Making the lightness feel heavy and tarnishing the beauty. And the lie we tell ourselves is a mix of half truths. That only we can do this job (we are chosen for this but not called to do it alone). That we are good moms (but we forget we are only good with Jesus). That life is suppose to be beautiful and that means easy (but true beauty comes out of pain). That we have to do it alone (even if you have no support no family there is always Jesus- for his suffering truly was alone).
I texted a friend the other day to tell her motherhood felt heavy. And she said "it is heavy." You see we talk about the hard, the struggle, the thanklessness. But we forget that motherhood is truly heavy. And until you are a mother it is nearly impossible to understand that statement. But Jesus reminds is his burden is light.
She also said she was glad I said something, she had no idea things felt heavy for me. Because of social media we have this view that it is so easy. But I think that is ok. I am not sure Instagram or a Facebook is always the place to put a voice to the heaviness. I see those platforms as a way to document the joy. But then what happens is the heavy slips through the cracks if you don't seek real connection beyond social media. I think that happens through real contact. Through sending the text message and hoping they respond to your vulnerability.
This is why if you ask "how are you" i might answer with honesty saying Good! I love it here. The kids are at a fun stage. The baby is so happy and generally easy. And I mean it. But I also at the same time might be not fine. I might be lonely,exhausted or feeling ungrounded or just not sure my purpose beyond motherhood.
Because maybe the heaviness isn't something hard all by itself. But it is a combination of small hard things. Like sweeping the floor for the 8th time one day. Or the Lego you keep stepping on, but don't seem to have the energy to pick up. Or the toddler who won't eat what you serve and the other one who won't keep her food on her plate. Maybe it is the pile of laundry and the fact you can't finish that podcast you really want to listen to. And maybe your kids do tell you they love you 1000 times a day but you still feel like you are in a hamster wheel and never getting off. Because motherhood is about lying yourself down for your kids. It is about doing the same tasks over and over and over. It is about reminding them and disciplining over the same things day in and day out and it can often feel like it is an endless cycle.
But when you put a voice to the hard you often get silence, confused looks or the well-meaning "treasure the moments, it goes by too fast." But you are treasuring the moments. It is just impossible to treasure them all. No one says to their coworker "just treasure the day. It goes fast! Enjoy every moment." we don't expect teachers and doctors and bankers and firefighters to enjoy every moment. So why do moms have to carry that burden? We need to feel free to love motherhood and dislike the hard parts. We need to feel free to express our frustration with something without feeling like we aren’t treasuring this gift enough.
So motherhood is hard and heavy while also being lovely and joy filled. And any day may beautiful and fun and joyful but also hard and lonely and unsatisfying. As you go through your day today remember it is okay if it is hard, that doesn’t make you ungrateful or unworthy of this calling. It doesn't mean you aren't treasuring the moments or loving your kids and your 'job' well. And if you aren’t a mom give a little grace to someone who is. Because A mom can both love that her child loves helping in the kitchen and find it overwhelming. A new mom can both treasures her newborns sleepy moments in her arms and feel desperate for a break and more consistent sleep.
So motherhood is hard and heavy while also being lovely and joy filled. And any day may beautiful and fun and joyful but also hard and lonely and unsatisfying. As you go through your day today remember it is okay if it is hard, that doesn’t make you ungrateful or unworthy of this calling. It doesn't mean you aren't treasuring the moments or loving your kids and your 'job' well. And if you aren’t a mom give a little grace to someone who is. Because A mom can both love that her child loves helping in the kitchen and find it overwhelming. A new mom can both treasures her newborns sleepy moments in her arms and feel desperate for a break and more consistent sleep.
Comments
Post a Comment